Shyness is a natural boundary , which guard us from being exposed or wounded by a stranger. Many of us feel shy when we are faced with the prospect of walking up to a stranger. We feel self-conscious, we stammer in speech or speak in an awkward manner. This may trigger in embarrassment. Contained in the experience of shyness is the healthy feeling of shame, of a reluctance to expose oneself.
The stranger, by definition, is one who is on family-iar. The stranger is not of our family. The stranger poses the spread of the unknown. Our shyness is our healthy shame in the presence of a stranger. Like all motion shyness signals as to be cautious, to take heed leased bleach . the wounded are exposed. Shyness is a boundary , which guards are in their core in the presence of the unfamiliar stranger.
Shyness can become a serious problem, when it is rooted in toxic shame.
Shame as the basic need for community
There is an ancient proverb , which states " one man is no man". This saying underscores our basic human need for community, which underscores our need for relationships, our need for social life. No one of us could have made it without someone being there for us. We human beings need help. No one of us is so strong that he does not need love, intimacy and dialogged in our community.
At birth . we are symbolically bonded in our mother. We are before we are . A great deal depends on that source relationship. After a year and a half of establishing the bond of mutual trust, we start to move out to test our autonomy. We need a sense of shame to remind us of our limits. We need our shame in doubt to balance our newly found autonomy.
We need our parents for another decade before we are ready to leave home. We cannot get our needs met without depending on our primary caregivers. Our healthy feelings of shame , is there to remind us that we need help. We cannot make it alone. No human beings can. Even after we have achieved some sense of mastery, even when we are un-depended, we will still have needs. We will need to love and grow, we will need to share for another , and we will need to be needed. Our shame functions as a healthy signal that we need help, and that we need to love and be in carrying relationships with the others.
Without the healthy signal of shame, we would not be in touch with our core dependency needs.
"The spiritual life is... part of the humane essence. If they defining characteristic of human nature... without which human nature is not full human nature."
This out of the book "Healing the shame that binds you." copy write by John Bradshaw
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